Hi everyone!
I’m finally starting my first email newsletter! I’ve always wanted to start one since I love writing and sharing my thoughts. It’s been one year since that plan started and I’m finally taking the time and effort to learn how to send these newsletter right to your inbox! I want this to be a long term endeavor and let’s see how this goes.
This week I’ve been thinking a lot about self-love. Self-love seems self-explanatory but here’s what the PsychCentral has to say about what self-love is.
I recently read a book called ‘Love for Imperfect Things’ by Haemin Sunim. There are parts of the book that really struck me and it made me ponder about myself.
“Be good to yourself first, then to others.”
Haemin Sunim
“WHEN WE SAY THAT SOMEONE is “good”, we often mean that the person complies with the will of others and isn’t self-assertive. In other words, people who are good at suppressing their own desires in deference to another’s are the ones who frequently get called “good”.
Haemin Sunim
“But the problem is that, by living in accordance with the demands of others, we unwittingly neglect our own desires and needs.”
Haemin Sunim
“What you are feeling is not something that should just be ignored, but something very significant. The feelings inside you will not easily disappear just because you decide to suppress or ignore them. Many psychological problems come about when repression becomes a habit and the energy of those suppressed emotions is unable to find a healthy outlet. Just as stagnant water becomes fetid and toxic, so it is with our emotions.”
Haemin Sunim
“Don’t worry that expressing yourself will cause the other person to dislike you and the relationship to become strained.”
Haemin Sunim
“We consider it good to be good to others, but don’t forget that you have a responsibility to be good to yourself first.”
Haemin Sunim
Self-love is a common topic nowadays. Everyone on social media shares how they prioritize themselves. Examples are eating what you want, loving the body you have, embracing imperfections, traveling to the country you wanted, cutting toxic people in life, etc.
It seems like there are different versions of what self-love means but when I read these passages from the book mentioned above, it was relatable on so many levels.
If you have always prioritized yourself, you might not have a dilemma on how to love yourself. Unlike people who always prioritize others, it’s quite a challenge.
I grow up suppressing my feelings to not upset the people around me. I used to hate myself for the things “I cannot be” because of the people comparing me to others who are “better”. It might seem like a joke to some but I take things to heart and this kept breaking me. Because of this I used to cry at night thinking of how I could be better in school and myself in general. It’s more difficult when you cannot share these feelings to anyone because some think it’s because of “teenage syndrome” or “overreacting”.
I don’t know who taught me this but I always put my loved ones first. I just have this instinct that I need to prioritize other people before myself. I finished my studies to prove to someone that I can finish a difficult degree which they point out I can’t achieve. Another reason is for my parents to be happy. My determination in life comes from my dream to give a better life for my parents who did everything they could just to give us a better outcome in life than they had. I want all the good experiences I have to be experienced by my parents as well. It’s a different level of joy to make your loved ones happy.
These things are great but it comes with a cost. It’s to not show vulnerable emotions. People who look up to us always think that we are strong enough to handle every obstacle in life but they are wrong. Sometimes it’s just too much!
Have you been “adulting”? Well I have and it’s stressful “AF”! There was a time I worked in Philippines and my salary per month as office civil engineer is P7,000 but the bills are more than that? How can you even budget a salary when the bills are more than that? I used to work overtime just to have extra income. That money might be enough for me alone but when you think of your family also? Definitely the most stressful I have been in my life.
I saw a video on Instagram about self-love. I forgot what exactly was said there but it’s like self-love becoming selfish.
A lot of the comments say something about people becoming selfish just for the sake of self-love. “You cannot easily cut off family relationships just because you thought they are toxic. You can cut off family because mental health is more important than family’s comfort and happiness. You cannot eat all you want, you’re already fat. You can eat all you want, life is too short to listen to people.” It makes me wonder what really is self-love?
You know what I realize? Self-love depends on each of our feelings.
If we think doing something finally gives us the opportunity to think of ourselves first, then maybe it is the right one. Or if you think sacrificing a little just for the sake of the people you love is good, then maybe it is. We cannot judge everyone’s choices. We are walking on different paths, on different level of emotions, different level of attachments, different levels of experiences, different cultures, and different perspectives. Sometimes we decide on something because maybe we only have limited choices given and it’s the better of the rest. Maybe out of all the scenarios we played in our heads, this is the best we can come up with. We might look selfish to others but for us this is the best choice we can. That’s okay. Maybe that’s what self-love means to you.
Self-love is important when you feel it is important. Don’t let other people’s words (who doesn’t even know a little bit of what you’re going through) affect your choices in life.
Thank you for being a part of our first newsletter! Have a great week!
– Jane
🌹 My favourite things this week:
⛩️ Anime – Since most of my favourite anime are still on going (and I binge watch the others lol) I stumbled upon an anime called Ranking of Kings on Crunchyroll. I’ve never heard about this anime so I read the reviews and give it a go. IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT! The story is chill and cute. It’s about a child of a king who is born deaf and mute. It shows the child’s hardships and how people make fun of him and treat him unkindly. It also shows how he overcome his challenges and become an inspiration to a lot of people! If you are also an anime lover, I recommend you give this a try!
📚 Books – I recently finished ‘Love for Imperfect Things’ by Haemin Sunim. This is a self-help book from a Korean Buddhist monk. I’ve never heard about this book or this author and I’m glad I give it a try! Definitely a 5 star rating for me. I realise a lot of things about myself and life in general. You should give it a try if you can.
🎥 Videos – I’ve been watching a lot of cari cakes videos on Youtube. She lives in Korea and her vlogs are just relaxing! I love how she notices things, her way of filming, her personality and her choices of music. She’s also a bookworm and I like it when she includes her reading in her videos. If you like calming videos, you should check her channel.
🎞️ Videos This Week
🇮🇳🇵🇭 Life in India: We Caught a Pigeon Stuck in our House, Making Raita | Filipino Indian Couple
🇮🇳🇵🇭 Life in India: A Day in the Life of a Pregnant Woman Craving Banana Bread